Long time no blog

So, in my retardness and forgetfulness, I honestly forgot I even had even allowed myself access to something like this...BUT in remembering, I am making a promise to myself to blog as much as possible.

I have recently started reading Kelly Cutrone's book "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside". I heard her say this many times on her show but had no idea it would be the title for her upcoming book. I know it is creepy to idolize or have an obsession with someone, but I would have to admit I might have a slight infatuation with her... this came across to me as crazy at first for a couple of reasons- number 1: she had a serious drug addiction; number 2: she once had an abortion; number 3: after 2 failed marriages [I'm not the biggest beleiever in divorce], she had a baby out of wedlock; number 4: well, the list could go on and on... bottom line-i don't agree with any of those actions. BUT what I have realized is how this woman has taken every single one of those experiences and taken the good from them. She has learned and grown and worked her way to the top. She has reflected on herself and asked herself what she needed to do to better herself as a person and have a happy life. She acknowledges her errors in judgement and is ready and willing to admit that she has had her share of screw ups. How can someone like that not deserve some sort of admiration? Now, I may not agree with her (at times)vulgar mouth and unbelievable brutality (I tend to be a lot more soft spoken), but this to me is what makes her so unique. In the book, she encourages women to go agaisnt the grain, seek out the unordinary and not give 2 sh**ts what people may say. She speaks of how we're all "programmed" (something that stands so true to my small town society). What are we women expected to do? Go to college- get a degree- marry a good man- have a family- and probably become a house wife, or something of the sort- maybe still carry out out career, maybe not. A main focus is that this "programming" we've all been wired to know and carry out in our lives may not always be what's best. And even those certain events may not always come in that certain order. What about adventure? What about moving to a big town where you don't know anyone and following your dreams? Ultimately, all of these things sound great and wonderful, BUT my most valuable lesson from her has been this: to respect and accept all people. No, they may not be like you and yes, you may think they are absolutely crazy. You can avoid them at all costs if push comes to shove, but that doesn't mean they don't have a right and a voice. Who knows? You might just learn something from them if ever given the chance. I certainly have. Here I am a Methodist raised Republican loving the story, advice, insight, and point of view of a spiritual nut under the guidance of someone she calls "Mother". Who would have thought? I love venturing out of my bubble! I don't want to be "programmed". I just may be that girl who decides to move to a big city where she doesn't know anyone. Only time will tell...

Enough of my babbling. Here are some great quotes from the book:

"What I am is fearless and intuitive. I'm attuned to the sound of my inner voice, and I've been following it blindly for most of my life, without any clear goals. It doesn't speak out loud; it's more like impressions beaming into my brain from my soul."

"I believe the choices we make in our lives and the people and places surrounding us increase the volume of our inner voice, decrease it, or annihilate it entirely."

"Dreams won't always take you ona straight path to destiny, but they're usually related to what your soul wants for you. They'll force you to ask yourself the hard questions, they'll kick your ass, and most importantly, they'll turn you on."

"Sometimes, if not most of the time, you find out who you are by figuring out who and what you are not."

"I named my company People's Revolution not because I'm a Communist-a popular misconception-but because I happen to believe the world will change only when we change ourselves. And that starts with finding ourselves. And that starts with listening to ourselves: learning to quite the clamor in our minds and the voices of everyone around us and move toward what feels right-toward the things we know, for reasons we can't explain, that we're meant to do, the things that make us feel alive. It means taking a journey like the spectacular and terrifying and ultimately mind-blowing adventure I've been on for twenty years. I hope that you too will chose to have a journey instead of just a life. Actually, I hope it's a full-on expedition. We live in an intense place, and it will never be transformed unless we as women are encouraged to dream and to find and manifest our highest selves. The planet is here for delight, but it is also here for us to change, to make it the best it can be. It's not just about sleeping and f**king and getting the right dress. Let's hope not."

"When you leave home to follow your dreams, your road will probably be riddled with potholes, not always paved in happy Technicolor bricks. You'll probably be kicked to the ground 150 million times told you're nuts by friends and strangers alike. As you progress you may feel lonely or terrifed for your physical and emotional safety. You may overestimate your own capabilities or fail to live up to them, andyou'll surely fall falt on your face once in a while. In breaking away from the familiar and unexpected, you'll be forced and privileged to face greater challenges, learn harder lessons, and really get to know yourself."

"The road to your dreams is sometimes dark, and it's sometimes magical, but The Wizard of Oz had one thing right: it's ultimately about the journey and the characters who accompany you on it, not about the destination."

"Self-assurance was 90 percent of the game, it turned out; if you act as if you konw what you're doing, and as if you're in charge, you'll be suprised how many people will let you be in charge."

"If you don't let what you don't know stop you from doing your best in every situation, you will suprise yourself over and over in life."

"I also learned that you can't fake hard work, and when you believe in something and truly go after it with all you have, amazing things will happen."

"But the death of my first love was just one of many deaths I've survived so far in my life. I tell my employees I've died several times while in the same body, each time paving the way for an amazing rebirth (talk about multitasking). After all, you can't truly be happy if you've never known pain. You can't truly feel joy if you've never felt heartbreak. You can't really know what it's like to be filled unless you've been empty. And here's the other thing: sometimes in life seasons don't come in order; instead of fall, winter, spring, summer, we get three winters in a row. (By my second winter I tend to feel like a cave woman frozen in a glacier.) But that doesn't mean spring won't come eventually."

"...the flaming shard of our love ultimately constructed a bridge I used to walk over into the future. This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won't feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache. You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can't know what it's like to feel holy until you know what it's like to feel really f***ing evil. And you can't be birthed again until you've died."

"sometimes the truth just hurts. You can either let someone be protected from reality or let them be sculpted and birthed by it. I firmly believe the latter option is best. We're constantly getting these messages to mind our own business and look the other way if we want to be well liked, to not tell the truth our speak our mind or say anything too intense. Well, I'm telling you here that this approach not only makes you party to other people's crimes agaisnt themselves but is a prescription for mediocrity and delusion."

"For women, life is set up like a video game. It starts out in childhood with the Disney princesses, followed by the need to become the prettiest girl, the pop star, or the model, and then, in high school, we're told that it's time to become the thinnest girl, then to become sucessful, find a guy, convince him to move in with us, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after! (Hell yeah!) We're constantly moving from level to lve, trying to collect the promised prizes, without stopping to think about the order we want these things to come in, or whether we even really want them at all. From Cinderalla right on up to He's Just Not That into You, we're inundated with programming that influences how and when we think we should experience various life steps and that makes it devastating when we find ourselves in another position altogether. Many of us grew up with out mothers literally serenading us with the words: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Yes, our own mothers! The Life-bringers themselves are in on this conspiracy...The unavoidable truth is that in the real world things don't always come in the order we're taught to expect them. A lot of women ask me,
'How do you have it all?' I tell them that it's not actually that hard to have it all; you just can't always have it all in the same proportion or at the same time. Sometimes your career is winning, sometimes it's motherhood, and occasionally, if you're lucky, it's your love life. "

"...when things happen out of order in your life, you can choose to take them not as blows but as blessings in disguise."